Being a parent brings many new demands, writes Nicholas Messing, both emotionally and physically. You find yourself faced with the intense vulnerability of this little person and in the first few months in particular, a likely feeling of the overwhelming burden of keeping your baby alive. As months go by, sleeplessness may become routine and it can feel like a struggle to get through the day. Other responsibilities begin to creep back in, or never even left. You might feel quite alone in all that you have to do and in your struggle in your new role, yet it is so hard to ask for help, to reach out to your partner, friends or family. Asking for help means admitting both to yourself and to other people that you cannot do this alone. It means acknowledging hard thoughts and feelings, of at times maybe resenting your baby, feeling angry and frustrated, even helpless. Growing up, it might be that those who cared for you did not seem to be able or want to notice when you were upset and when you were in need. You learnt that you needed to find ways to manage these feelings by yourself, that these experiences you had, these types of thoughts and emotions were unwanted and pushed away by other people. You learnt to hide vulnerability and as an adult to develop ways to feel in control of your circumstances. This is all shaken apart by the arrival of your baby, as they are a separate person and you know you cannot control them, determine how they will be and respond. Even more so is your knowledge that your baby needs your help with all that they feel, the very experience that was possibly absent for you, you are now needing to try to offer to another person. Perhaps in childhood it felt as if demands were made upon you, to achieve, to strive, that conditions were placed upon feeling loved, accepted, or wanted by your parents. These communications may not have always been obvious, but were inherent in the quality of your interactions in your childhood home. It could be communicated through a look, a turning away, an absence of affection, a disappointed tone, a parent who was rarely at home. All of this telling you, you had let your parent down, you had not done well enough. It is important to state that your parents did not intentionally set out so that you felt this way, they likely, like the vast majority of parents, strove to do the best they could. These types of communication are borne from your parents own understanding of themselves and relationships, come to be repeated with you. These feelings are, as maybe for you, large to the point of overwhelming, so they had a major impact on how they saw the world, themselves and of course you. To show vulnerability, to admit that you need help and cannot do it all the time, might mean for you that you have failed. A common thought may be to think that someone else always has it tougher, that you are therefore unworthy of the support and care of others.  If we grow up with this perception then we might have found that we have formed relationships with others that confirm this belief. So perhaps you have tried to ask for support, but other people seem to minimise or even dismiss what you tell them. This may be a common experience for you in relationships. Therapy allows for the exploration of what takes place both within you and between you and your partner and your baby. It offers the opportunity for those parts of yourself that have been so hard to look at, that you have maybe felt ashamed of, unwanted by others and you, to become gradually accepted, to be acknowledged as part of who you are.  It makes caring for your little one more manageable, that you find you are less fearful of the expressions of their feelings, that you are more able to help them and being with them becomes more rewarding.

In recent times I find people often treat low-energy seasons, both literally and metaphorically as obstacles to get through. In the press there is a strong narrative to “fight” the winter blues, to “overcome” burnout, and “push through” tiredness. What if we have got this approach entirely wrong? Katherine May, the British writer of a gem of a book: Wintering, frames these periods not as failures, but as necessary, restorative phases of the human cycle. Psychology offers us a language to understand why. The Critical Role of Rest Psychologist Anders Ericsson’s research on expertise revealed a non-negotiable truth: Elite performers achieve mastery not through endless grind, but through deliberate practice punctuated by deliberate rest. The brain consolidates learning and repairs itself during downtime. Wintering is the ultimate deliberate rest, a full-system consolidation. Yet, we resist. And social psychology tells us why: In cultures that glorify “the hustle,” rest feels like deviance or a guilty pleasure. We fear falling behind, violating the unwritten rules of productivity. This creates cognitive dissonance, the discomfort of holding two conflicting beliefs (“I need rest” vs “rest is lazy”). Too often, we resolve it by abandoning rest, not the unrealistic belief. Acceptance, Not Forced Positivity The field of Clinical Psychology, particularly through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), gives us a better tool. ACT teaches that struggling against difficult emotions amplifies suffering. The classic “What we resist, persists.” Wintering invites us to practice psychological acceptance: To acknowledge the sadness, the quiet of depletion, or the stillness of uncertainty without immediate judgment or a frantic plan to fix it. This is not passive resignation. It is the active choice to stop fighting the weather of your own mind. How to Winter, Psychologically: 1. Reframe the narrative: Use cognitive restructuring (a CBT technique) to challenge thoughts like “This is wasted time.” Replace them with: “This is a necessary phase of my cycle.” 2. Practice self-compassion: Drawn from the work of Kristin Neff. Speak to yourself about your fatigue or low mood with the kindness you would offer a friend. This reduces the shame that amplifies winter’s chill. 3. Embrace ritual: Behavioural psychology shows us that small, consistent actions anchor us. A morning tea, a daily walk in the weak sun, lighting a candle. These are behavioural activation not to force cheer, but to provide gentle, rhythmic structure. 4. Lower the Bar: Temporarily reduce cognitive load. This again is not failure; it is energy management. Conserve your finite willpower and executive function, as studied by researchers like Roy Baumeister. Wintering is not a pathology to cure with light boxes and forced gratitude although both have their place. It’s a psychological season. A time to retreat, reflect, restore and repair. The promise of spring is not some sort of reward for surviving winter, but that it is the natural, eventual outcome of having allowed the winter to do its essential, quiet work.

By Dr Caroline Taylor This blog follows on from my goal-setting and completion in therapy blog. It is somewhat inspired by the late, great Dr Michael Mosley. In my last blog I suggested that one goal is enough. Certainly, one goal at a time is enough. It allows us to have a focus and really understand the impact that the goal has on your life once achieved. I invite you to ponder on how your life would change if you focused on changing just one thing. For instance, what would happen to your life if your mind was clear of worry? How would you feel if you noticed when you have done something well, rather than dismissing or minimising your success? What would it be like to focus on getting a great night’s sleep? How would your day be if you woke refreshed and energised? How would your day be if you ensured that you experience a sense of achievement and a sense of enjoyment each day? How would you feel if you were kind to yourself, rather than being your own worst critic? When we focus on just one thing, we can devise elegant formulations and a shared treatment plan that will lead to your success. We can also get extra benefits from focusing on just one goal, as behaviour tends to generalise. By which I mean habits spread in the direction we are already behaviourally engaged. I think we can all probably identify with a slip from the behaviour we had planned, and how that can then spread. Perhaps we don’t go to the gym or exercise class after work, as planned, and then we pick up a bottle of wine and order a pizza, then rummage for the ice cream in the freezer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those behaviours, unless you berate yourself for not following your plan, and it starts to spread over time, and you are not behaving in the way you want to. The good news is that healthy behaviours generalise too. We could make a goal and then find ourselves engaging in additional healthy behaviours spontaneously. You can change your life with just one thing, just one goal.

Re-Creating Home After Change When life changes, writes Dr Julie Hannan, Counselling Psychologist, many of us feel an almost instinctive pull to tidy, paint, rearrange, or add something new to our homes. We call it nesting when someone prepares for a baby, but the same impulse often appears at other major turning points — when children leave home, after a breakup, or during recovery from illness or loss. It may look like simple redecorating, but beneath it lies something deeply psychological: an attempt to make the external world match an inner shift.   Home as a mirror of the self Psychologists have long recognised that our surroundings act as an extension of identity. The objects, colours, and routines that make up 'home' help to stabilise our sense of self. When life feels chaotic, reorganising that environment becomes a way of regaining coherence. Creating order where there was mess, or introducing warmth where life feels cold, allows the nervous system to settle. It's a small, tangible declaration: I can shape something.   In therapy, we often see that, after periods of upheaval, people reach a point where energy that was once bound in anxiety starts to turn outward again. Rearranging a room, clearing a cupboard, or buying new sheets can mark the beginning of psychological recovery — a quiet signal that the psyche is ready to move from survival into renewal.   Nesting as meaning making Nesting isn't only about control, it's about meaning. Making a space yours again helps to integrate a new chapter of life. For parents adjusting to an empty house, it may express the shift from caretaking others to reconnecting with themselves. For someone recovering from loss, it can represent the courage to reclaim life. Even seasonal nesting — changing décor as the light fades — acknowledges our ongoing relationship with time, reminding us that adaptation is a natural process. This process is symbolic. As the environment transforms, so does the story we tell ourselves about who we are becoming.   Why it soothes From a psychological standpoint, nesting supports two important needs: Grounding through sensory regulation. Physical movement, colour, texture, and scent all stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping to calm the body. Agency through micro-control. When larger life events feel beyond our influence, small, successful acts of organisation provide reassurance and rebuild confidence. In short, nesting bridges body and mind. It allows action to lead emotion.   Healthy versus pressured nesting Of course, not all nesting is restorative. For some, it can tip into perfectionism or avoidance — an attempt to tidy feelings rather than experience them. The difference lies in intention: are you making space to breathe, or trying to erase discomfort? Healthy nesting feels rhythmic and satisfying. It's gentle, sensory, and leaves you calmer. Pressure-driven nesting feels frantic and rarely offers relief. The invitation is to slow down and let the process be symbolic rather than cosmetic.   Practical reflections Start small: choose one drawer, one corner, or one ritual that represents care. Engage your senses: light a candle, open a window, play music — bring embodiment into your space. Let go intentionally: releasing an object can mirror the release of an outdated role or expectation. These actions can feel existentially freeing. Notice what new energy wants to emerge: what colours, textures, or routines feel like you, now? Experiment with this and observe whether the energy increases, remains the same, or decreases.   The deeper message Ultimately, nesting is a way of saying to yourself, I still matter in this space. It's how we reclaim a sense of belonging after transition. In a world that moves quickly, taking time to make a corner of it peaceful is not indulgent; it's reparative. Home becomes less about walls and furniture, and more about the act of coming back to yourself. When life changes, the nest changes — and in rebuilding it, we rebuild our sense of meaning.   References & Suggested Reading   Kaplan, R. (1995). The restorative benefits of nature: Toward an integrative framework. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 15(3), 169–182.   Csikszentmihalyi, M., &; Rochberg-Halton, E. (1981). The Meaning of Things: Domestic Symbols and the Self. Cambridge University Press.   Proshansky, H. M., Fabian, A. K., &; Kaminoff, R. (1983). Place-identity: Physical world socialisation of the self. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 3(1), 57–83.   Pohl, R. (2018). Home as a psychological anchor in times of transition. Counselling Psychology Review, 33(2), 12–18.

Anxiety is one of the most common symptom that women can experience during  perimenopause and can often appear before women experience common perimenopausal symptoms e.g. hot-flushes or night sweat.  Overall, women are twice as likely than men to have anxiety difficulties, but the changes in hormones during the perimenopause and menopause, can trigger and  worsen symptoms of anxiety . Menopause and perimenopause can act like a torch shining light on issues that had already existed and were not dealt with.  Anxiety can occur at any stage of the perimenopause. It can appear in very early during the perimenopause before your periods have changed. It can start subtly and you may not realise that it’s related to the perimenopause.  The increase stress during perimenopause and menopause can further contribute to anxiety during menopause.  As sleep quality declines along with other bodily challenges in the gut or immune system stress increases. If you are experiencing anxiety you certainly aren’t alone. Anxiety can happen to anyone including those who’ve never experienced mental health difficulties. Perimenopause is challenging time with lots of changes that requires a new set of  approach.  Physical symptoms of perimenopausal anxiety: • Fast heart rate • Heart palpitations • The feeling of nausea • Shaking • Sweating • Dry mouth • Chest pain • Headaches • Fast breathing • Panic attacks • Sleep disturbances  • Irritability  What causes perimenopause-related anxiety? During the perimenopause and menopause, a many changes happening at the same time, so it can be difficult to attribute the exact cause of your anxiety. Anxiety can be related to underline depression. Like depression, anxiety can occur because falling oestrogen levels.  The oestrogen levels are also linked to cortisol levels (the hormone of stress ) so that when oestrogen levels drop, cortisol levels rise. It is likely that other hormones and chemical factors are also involved.  How can anxiety be treated? CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is an evidence-based approach to therapy which is used by clinical psychologists to treat a new healthy ways of thinking and to develop strategies to better manage perimenopausal anxiety symptoms. CBT Recommended by NICE for the treatment of anxiety and depression in perimenopausal women. Women going through perimenopause often report feeling stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed. And many women will know just how easy it is to get caught up in a vicious cycle of anxiety, fatigue, low mood, and a feeling that you just can’t cope. Clinical psychologist can use CBT to address specific issues such as anger and mood swings, insomnia, intrusive or overwhelming thoughts, or low self-esteem; and develop strategies to resolve issues such as problem drinking and binge eating which are common when going through perimenopause. Studies show that perimenopausal symptoms such as night sweats, hot flushes and anxiety are commonly triggered in response to life stressors but by using CBT you can learn to develop healthy ways of managing stress which in turn, may reduce the incidences and severity of these symptoms. Clinical psychologist recognises that perimenopause is serious and challenging. Perimenopause can last anywhere from four to 10 years, when including perimenopause and the years of continuing symptoms after periods stop entirely. Perimenopause counselling and CBT with a clinical psychologist who is highly rated experts in their field and truly care about their clients.  The benefits of talk therapy with a clinical psychologist for menopause  Perimenopause counselling provides a confidential and safe space to process your thoughts and feelings feel heard and understood at last around your perimenopause concerns  learn evidence-based techniques for handling stress, negative thinking, and low moods troubleshoot family relationship problems, work issues, or health concerns discuss your changing life roles and identity set new life goals and have support to bring them to fruition.

A Compassionate Guide to Avoiding Christmas Burnout by Dr Sarah Jane Khalid, Holistic Psychologist There is a quiet little secret many of us share during the holidays. Amidst the glittering lights and joyful carols, there’s a whisper of deep exhaustion, a feeling of being stretched too thin for too long. If that sounds familiar, please know that you are not alone, and it is not your fault. We are often sold a picture of the “perfect Christmas,” one filled with non-stop cheer, flawless bountiful meals, gorgeous table settings and beautifully wrapped presents. And chasing this ideal can leave us feeling drained, anxious, and anything but merry. This year, I invite you to do things differently. Let's use a little bit of psychological wisdom to protect our peace and find the genuine joy in the season. You are giving yourself a permission slip to be kinder to yourself. 1. Give Yourself the Gift of “Enough” (The Science of the “Good Enough” Holiday) In the 1950s, a psychologist called Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of the “Good Enough Mother.” His idea was that parents do not need to be perfect; they just need to be “good enough” to raise well-adjusted children. This concept is a lifesaver for the holidays. Instead of striving for a perfect Christmas, aim for a “good enough” one. Yes, the turkey might be a little dry or burnt, the wrapping paper might not match, and you might buy mince pies instead of baking them from scratch. And that is more than okay! “Good enough” creates space for authenticity, connection, and, most importantly, rest. Give yourself permission to lower the bar from Martha Stewart to Happy and Present. 2. Protect Your Energy: It's Okay to Say “No, Thank You” Psychology has long studied a concept called “ego depletion,” which suggests that we have a limited pool of mental resources for self-control and decision-making. Every party you feel obligated to attend, every extra task you take on, drains that pool. I cannot stress enough the importance of being the guardian of your own energy. You do not need to say yes to every event or fulfil every request. A gentle, “Thank you so much for the invitation! I won't be able to make it this year, but I hope you have a wonderful time,” is a complete sentence. Prioritize the events and traditions that truly fill your cup and let the rest go without guilt. Protecting your peace is not selfish; it's essential. 3. Find Your Silent Night: The Power of a Pause The constant stimulation of the season can overwhelm our nervous systems. Research on stress and the nervous system shows that we need moments of quiet to counterbalance the fight-or-flight response that busyness can trigger. Schedule a Christmas Silent Night for yourself before Christmas Eve. It could be 15 minutes with a cup of tea and no phone, a short walk in the crisp air, or simply sitting by the Christmas tree lights in silence. This is not wasted time; it is an investment in your well-being that allows you to reset and find your centre. 4. Connect Over Comparison: Choose Presence over Presents A famous Harvard study on adult development has consistently found that strong social connections are the single biggest predictor of long-term happiness and health. The holidays, at their core, are about connection. Yet social media often twists this into a competition of who has the most photogenic family or the most extravagant gifts. When you feel the pull to compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel, gently redirect your focus. Put your phone down. Play a simple board game. Ask a relative a question about their childhood Christmases. True, warm, face-to-face connection is the real magic of the season, and it is a far more powerful antidepressant than any number of “likes” or “loves” on posts that give a brief dopamine hit. 5. Practice Self-Compassion: Talk to Yourself Like a Friend Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, teaches that being kind to ourselves in moments of failure or stress is crucial for resilience. When you burn the Christmas cookies or forget to send a card, what does your inner voice say? If you make a mistake, talk to yourself as you would a dear friend. You might say, “Oh sweetheart, you're trying to do so much! It's okay that the cookies got a little crispy. We will laugh about this later.” This simple shift from self-criticism to self-kindness can dissolve a huge amount of holiday stress. Please Know That Your Well-Being is the Greatest Gift This Christmas, remember that the most important person you can give a gift to is yourself. The gift of rest. The gift of boundaries. The gift of “good enough.” This is a reclamation of our time. My wish for you is for this season to be less about performance and more about presence. Less about perfection and more about peace. You deserve a holiday that feels joyful, not joyless. Be gentle with your heart and body — you are doing better than you imagine. Wishing you a calm and connected Christmas, Dr Sarah Jane Khalid

In recent months I’ve had a few clients share with me that they have used AI for psychological support between our sessions, writes Dr Prarthana Shetty. My initial reaction was curiosity, but I also noticed some defensiveness and skepticism. In the interest of keeping an open mind and trying to understand my clients’ experiences, I decided to try it myself. I used a popular AI chatbot and began with relatively basic prompts about everyday stressors. It produced a steady stream of validation and supportive advice. As I went deeper, however, it felt like something was missing. The responses were thoughtfully crafted, the tone was gentle and warm, but the speed with which the chatbot responded was a bit unsettling. I realized that it was missing the rhythm of therapy; holding space for the discomfort, allowing time to remain with a thought, having your emotional subtext noticed and named. As a counselling psychologist, to me the healing is in the therapeutic relationship. It is about attunement; making my clients feel seen and heard. This is where I felt the AI chatbot fell short. There was no space for sitting with the messy feelings. There was reflection, but it lacked depth and real connection. While I wouldn’t call AI a therapist, I recognise that it can be of value to someone who may be feeling vulnerable between therapy sessions or indeed can’t afford regular sessions. There are ethical issues to be considered too, including its ability to recognise a mental health crisis that requires immediate intervention. AI is an excellent and accessible starting point, and there is comfort to be found in non- judgmental validation and coping strategies. However, for deep emotional wounds such as attachment issues and complex trauma, I’m not convinced that it can replace the responsiveness and relational depth a trained practitioner can provide. AI plays a valuable role in making psychological support accessible, but it is the human response that leads to deep, lasting transformation.

Living with ADHD can sometimes feel like being tuned into every channel at once — ideas, emotions, and tasks all competing for your attention. While this can bring energy and creativity, it can also make daily life feel overwhelming. At Hampstead Psychology, we work with adults and young people to help them understand their ADHD, develop practical strategies, and build a more compassionate relationship with themselves. Understanding ADHD Beyond the Stereotypes ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) isn’t simply about being distracted or hyperactive. It’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how the brain regulates attention, motivation, and emotions. For many people, the challenges include: Difficulty maintaining focus , especially on routine or uninteresting tasks Emotional intensity , such as frustration, rejection sensitivity, or restlessness Time management and organisation struggles  — starting many things, finishing few Periods of hyperfocus , where attention locks onto a task for hours These patterns are not signs of laziness or lack of effort. They reflect how the ADHD brain processes information — often quickly, creatively, and sometimes chaotically. The Emotional Side of ADHD ADHD can affect self-esteem and relationships. Many people grow up being told they’re careless or inconsistent, which can lead to shame or self-criticism in adulthood. At Hampstead Psychology, we often see clients who are deeply self-aware but exhausted from trying to “mask” their ADHD or meet unrealistic expectations. Therapy can help you explore these emotional layers — building self-acceptance, identifying strengths, and replacing self-criticism with understanding. Building a Supportive Environment Living with ADHD is not just about learning new techniques; it’s about creating systems and environments that work for you. This might include: Externalising reminders  — using visual cues, lists, or digital tools Chunking tasks  into small, achievable steps Working with your natural energy rhythms  rather than against them Communicating openly  with partners, friends, or colleagues about how ADHD shows up for you In couples therapy, for example, we help partners move from frustration (“Why can’t you just focus?”) to empathy (“How can we make this easier together?”). Understanding ADHD can transform not only personal wellbeing but also how relationships function day to day. Compassion as a Form of Focus One of the most powerful shifts for people with ADHD is learning to treat themselves with kindness. Self-criticism drains motivation and reinforces shame, while compassion helps you regulate emotions and sustain change. Therapeutic approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)  and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)  can be particularly helpful here — supporting practical change while addressing the emotional challenges that often accompany ADHD. Getting Support If you’re living with ADHD — diagnosed or undiagnosed — therapy can help you understand your mind, develop tools to manage daily life, and reconnect with your strengths. At Hampstead Psychology , our clinicians are experienced in working with ADHD in adults and young people. We offer both individual and couples therapy, online or in person. You don’t have to “try harder.” You can learn to work with  your brain, not against it.

Autistic burnout isn’t the same as ordinary stress or exhaustion — it’s a deep, overwhelming fatigue that comes from navigating a world not built for autistic people. It can affect every part of life: energy levels, mood, memory, communication, and even a sense of identity. At Hampstead Psychology, we often hear autistic clients describe burnout as “hitting a wall”  — a point where daily demands, masking, or constant sensory and social strain become too much to manage. What Is Autistic Burnout? Autistic burnout is a state of intense physical, mental, or emotional exhaustion that occurs after prolonged stress or sensory overload. It’s often linked to: Masking  – hiding or suppressing autistic traits to fit in or avoid judgment Chronic sensory overload  – managing environments that feel too bright, loud, or unpredictable Social fatigue  – constant effort to read cues or maintain relationships Unrealistic expectations  – from work, education, or self-imposed standards to “keep up” When these pressures build up over time without enough rest, support, or self-acceptance, the result is burnout — not weakness or failure, but a sign that your brain and body need recovery. Common Signs of Autistic Burnout Burnout can look different for each person, but some common experiences include: Extreme exhaustion, even after rest Difficulty with communication or executive functioning (planning, focus, organisation) Heightened sensory sensitivity Withdrawal from social situations Feeling detached or numb A loss of previously managed skills Emotional overwhelm, anxiety, or shutdown Many autistic adults describe feeling like they’ve “lost” their coping skills — things that once felt manageable suddenly become impossible. Why Burnout Happens Most autistic people live in a world designed for neurotypical communication, sensory processing, and social norms. Over time, adapting to those expectations — whether through masking, pushing past sensory limits, or striving to appear “fine” — takes a heavy toll. This constant effort depletes energy reserves faster than they can be restored. Without space to rest, be authentic, and recover, burnout becomes almost inevitable. Recovery and Prevention Recovering from autistic burnout takes time, patience, and self-compassion. There’s no quick fix — but there are ways to support healing: Reduce demands where possible  – simplify routines, lower expectations, and say no when needed. Create sensory safety  – reduce overstimulation and spend time in calm, predictable environments. Unmask where you can  – allow yourself to be authentic with trusted people. Prioritise rest  – not just physical rest, but sensory and social rest too. Reconnect with your interests  – engaging in special interests can help restore energy and joy. Seek support  – therapy can help you understand your patterns, build coping strategies, and develop self-compassion. How Therapy Can Help At Hampstead Psychology, we offer autism-informed therapy  to support people experiencing or recovering from burnout. We use evidence-based approaches such as CBT , ACT , and Compassion-Focused Therapy  to help you: Understand what triggers burnout Rebuild energy and emotional resilience Reduce masking and self-criticism Develop sustainable coping strategies Strengthen self-acceptance and confidence in your autistic identity You don’t need to push through alone. With the right understanding and support, recovery is possible — and life can start to feel manageable again.

When most people think about therapy, they imagine talking — describing experiences, reflecting on emotions, and making sense of thoughts. But while words are powerful, trauma affects far more than our thoughts. It changes how we feel, move, breathe, and relate to our bodies. For many people, trauma isn’t just a memory from the past. It can live on as tension in the muscles, constant alertness, fatigue, or disconnection from the body. Even physical health problems such as chronic fatigue, pain syndromes, or digestive issues can sometimes have roots in unprocessed trauma. The body and mind are not separate; they are two sides of the same experience. The Mind’s Story and the Body’s Story Psychological trauma can leave people with a divided experience. One part of the self might seem rational and “fine,” while another part feels stuck in survival mode — anxious, exhausted, or shut down.This is why healing needs to go beyond understanding what happened. It also means helping the body recognise that it is safe again. Therapy can do this in many ways. Gentle body-based work, breath awareness, grounding exercises, or guided movement can help regulate the nervous system. These approaches don’t replace talking — they deepen it. By including the body in the process, therapy allows people to connect their physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts into one coherent whole. “Talking Therapies” Are Not Just About Talking At Hampstead Psychology, we often explain that “talking therapy” is a misleading term. Good therapy doesn’t stop at conversation — it’s an experiential process. It involves noticing bodily cues, observing patterns in posture or breathing, and paying attention to how emotions feel in the body, as well as processing the trauma in the mind, understanding how it impacts on our beliefs and thinking about how to move forward. But the body work is a fundamental part of the healing process. This might mean learning to slow down when the body feels overwhelmed, using mindfulness or compassionate grounding techniques, or exploring what it’s like to stay present with difficult sensations instead of avoiding them. Talking therapy, in its most effective form, helps clients think with their bodies, not just about them. Trauma and the Body’s Energy System For some people, trauma is held as fatigue rather than anxiety. Chronic fatigue, for instance, can be the body’s way of protecting itself from chronic stress or unresolved emotional pain. The body learns to conserve energy, shutting down rather than staying in constant fight-or-flight. This doesn’t mean the fatigue is “psychological” or “all in the mind.” It means that the nervous system has adapted to protect the person from further threat. Recovery involves helping both body and mind feel safe enough to release this protective pattern. That might include gentle physical activity, body-based relaxation, compassion-focused work, or trauma-informed psychotherapy. Integrating Mind and Body in Therapy The most effective trauma therapy works on several levels: Cognitive: Making sense of what happened and understanding triggers. Emotional: Processing feelings like fear, shame, or grief safely. Physiological: Helping the nervous system find calm and balance. Relational: Rebuilding trust, connection, and safety with others. When all these dimensions are acknowledged, people can begin to feel whole again — not just intellectually, but physically and emotionally. A Whole-Person Approach Healing trauma means honouring the full experience of being human — thoughts, emotions, and the body’s wisdom.True recovery doesn’t come from talking about trauma alone, but from gently helping the body and mind remember what safety feels like. If you’ve experienced trauma, stress, or chronic fatigue and feel disconnected from your body, therapy can help you begin to reconnect with it — one safe step at a time.

One widespread problem that can last a lifetime, according to Dr Paul Lewis, is a tendency to put others’ needs ahead of your own. It becomes a habit and can go unnoticed. It is a problem that feeds on itself, because we can never please all the people all the time – but we can certainly keep on trying, sidelining we want from life. It can be changed. Firstly, lose the ambivalence: Looking after yourself is not selfish. There are ways to balance getting what you want while still being considerate of others. Secondly, get down to specifics: A calm look at real examples in your own life, no matter how apparently small or insignificant, helps clarify what you need to change. Identify what you are doing to ignore or postpone your own needs, then plan what would work better, then do it. Guilt and raised anxiety will surface, but by focusing on whether you are making the right changes, relief and liberation can follow .

According to Dr Caroline Taylor, it’s a good idea to have a goal in your therapeutic work. It gives you and your psychologist a sense of direction. If there is a goal, there is something to aim for and achieve. A direction of travel that you and your psychologist can work toward collaboratively.  A goal that is achievable and meaningful. A goal that, if achieved, will change your life in some way.   In my practice people generally tell me what they don’t want in their life. They want something that is here, to not be here, or something they are experiencing, to be absent. Makes perfect sense. However it is difficult to find a direction to move toward something ‘not being there.’ The goal could be formulated by asking:  what would you be able to do if this difficulty, was less intense or wasn’t here?     Here are a few tips when formulating your goals for therapy:    Make a goal about what,  not a goal about not.   Are you working at the right ‘need’ and motivation level. Are all your fundamental needs met? If not, start there; sleep, food, water and moving your body. Make a goal about that.   There should be no more than 3 goals. Preferably, just one goal at a time.   It is difficult to be motivated. Behaviour is where the most change happens.  Choosing to do something different, to live life differently, takes a lot of brain power; the fantasy is easy the reality can be a challenge, so start small and grow from there.      Staying close to the goal is important, it will help you focus, and return to the goal  which may need refining.   So, for example, my goal could be to write a blog in an hour (Just like this). Except I didn’t. I don’t know how long it took, but it was more than an hour. I got distracted by emails and messages as well as thinking about my weekend.   How could I make this goal more realistic?     I never consider my Dyslexia, I expect myself to magically not have difficulties with reading and writing. Perhaps I could allow myself more time, reduce the expectation of myself and be kind.  An hour could be too long, I could trial 20-25 minutes. What we need in behavioural change is successive approximations of the target goal, not to be able to do it all at once.   Top tips for staying close to the goal and succeeding.    If you don’t do it, whatever it is, you can do it later or tomorrow, it’s OK. It’s difficult to change, but have another go, make some adaptions and experiment to find what works for you.   It’s not all or nothing.  Just come back to it, if you have missed a few days due to low motivation, just carry on, you haven’t gone back to the drawing board, you are learning.   Be kind to yourself.   Keep the goal but make some changes in how you are going to get there.    It is worth it!