Evidence-based self-development
- Dr Caroline Taylor
- 9 hours ago
- 4 min read
Many of us engage in self-development to become better in some way, feel happier,
or simply grow as people. Human growth can bring many benefits to our wellbeing
and support our relationships with family, friends, romantic partners, and colleagues.
At the same time, I have noticed a huge increase in self-development content across
social media. It is encouraging that so many people want to grow and become the
best version of themselves. However, much of this advice offers little guidance on
how to decide what is actually worth trying. The volume of information can feel
overwhelming. How do we know what is best for us? With so much content online, it
can be hard to know which practices are most likely to help, and easy to jump from
one shiny new idea to the next.
Practice is exactly that: practice. We need repetition for a new habit or behaviour to
become useful, just as we do when learning to drive, dance, or swim. The same is
true in self-development. Qualities such as kindness, patience, and courage can be
practised and strengthened over time. We need to stay committed, then review
whether a practice is working for us, rather than moving on too quickly to something
else that seems more exciting. When we constantly switch approaches, we may
miss the full benefit of our efforts.
As a clinical psychologist, I naturally prefer self-development practices that are
grounded in science and supported by evidence. Psychology offers many useful
tools and insights, and here I want to share two of my favourite approaches to
wellbeing and personal development.
One source I often return to is the work of Bronnie Ware, who wrote about common
reflections she heard while working in palliative care. Although these insights are
observational rather than findings from a formal peer-reviewed study, they have
resonated with many people because they speak so directly to what matters most in
life.
Learning from others’ regrets: death as a tool for the living
What might you learn from other people’s reflections about the end of life? If you
looked back on your life today, would you do so with gratitude?
Here are five reflections that Bronnie Ware says she heard repeatedly from people
nearing the end of life:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself not the life others
expected of me
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
These reflections invite us to pause and ask what we might want to change while we
still have time.
What do you regret, and can you repair it? Can you make a change, work towards a
life that feels more meaningful, or create more space for happiness and rest? What
would it be like to share your feelings, even when that feels difficult? Could you
reach out to the friend you keep thinking about?
Many people reach the end of life feeling that they did not fully honour what they
needed or wanted.
So do not wait. Start now by building a life with more of what matters to you, even in
small and simple ways. Very often, what stays with us most are meaningful
experiences and time shared with people we love. These memories can become a
lasting source of fulfilment.
Above all, remember that the present is a gift. Treasure it.
If you would like to explore this idea further, Bronnie Ware speaks about these
reflections in the video below.
Gratitude
There is good evidence of a positive relationship between gratitude and wellbeing. A
2023 systematic review and meta-analysis of 64 randomised clinical trials found that
gratitude interventions were associated with better mental health, fewer symptoms of
anxiety and depression, and more positive mood and emotions. Gratitude can also
support your relationship with yourself and others. It helps us refocus on what we
already have, rather than constantly reaching for something new in search of quick
gratification.
Gratitude can be a helpful antidote to dissatisfaction and fear. Our minds are
naturally more alert to problems and threats, which is part of how we stay safe.
Practising gratitude can gently shift our attention towards what is good, steady, and
meaningful in our lives. This does not mean ignoring difficulty; it means making
space to notice what is also supporting us.
Ways to practise gratitude
1. Write a letter to someone important to you, even if you are out of touch or they
are no longer alive. You can still feel grateful for what they meant to you. It is
the process of gratitude that matters most.
2. Keep a gratitude diary in a format that works for you. It can be very simple.
What matters is repetition and consistency.
3. Write a short summary of a good day and what made it meaningful.
4. Spend time remembering good experiences and allowing yourself to revisit
them warmly.
5. Notice the small things in life: a smile, a kind touch, a quiet moment, or a call
with a friend. These, too, are worth celebrating.
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