Search Results

Most of us will experience times in our lives when we may need support. People seek psychological support for many reasons; some may choose to work towards a specific goal, while others may wish to explore broader themes such as identity or life transitions. However, the process of finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming due to the sheer amount of choice available. With so many professionals offering different specialisms and approaches, it can be difficult to know where to start. There are plenty of professional directories online with registered psychologists, which can be challenging in itself. While credentials matter, the therapeutic alliance - the quality of the bond between you and your clinician - is the strongest predictor of successful outcomes. Here are some ways to assess if the person sitting across from you (or on your screen) is the right fit for you. A sense of safety You should feel a sense of psychological safety that allows you to be vulnerable without the fear of being judged. This doesn't mean therapy will always be comfortable; discomfort is often where growth happens. However, you should feel that your therapist is a secure base from which you can explore difficult emotions and experiences without feeling held back by shame or judgement. Clarity vs. jargon A good therapist should be able to explain their therapeutic stance in a way that makes sense to you. Therapy is most effective when the reasoning behind the techniques feels clear and accessible. If a therapist relies too heavily on jargon or explains things in ways that feel confusing, it can create distance instead of trust. A good therapist will meet you where you are, using language that helps you feel informed, understood and actively engaged in your own healing process. Your comfort with the process is just as important as the techniques themselves. Holding the frame The right therapist will maintain professional boundaries while offering genuine warmth. They are not your “best friend,” nor should your sessions become a space for their stuff. You know a therapist is the right fit when they can hold a firm clinical frame - being punctual, consistent, and fully focused on your goals, while still showing authenticity and human connection. This balance of structure and empathy creates a safe container for your growth, allowing you to explore difficult emotions without the added burden of navigating blurred boundaries. Gentle challenge A good therapist won’t simply reassure or placate you. They offer gentle, thoughtful challenges to the patterns that may be keeping you stuck. If you leave a session feeling both seen and understood , yet also slightly nudged to reflect differently, it’s a sign you are in the right hands. Validation paired with constructive challenge will help you grow while feeling supported. At the end of the day, while qualifications and specialisms provide the foundation, your gut feeling is a vital guide in choosing a therapist. If you experience an instinctive sense of trust or indeed a sense of unease, do pay attention to it. The right therapist should feel like a collaborative partner, where your voice is centred and the therapeutic relationship feels safe, authentic, and tailored to your needs.

Most long-term relationships go through periods where partners feel less connected than they once did. Closeness isn’t a constant state. There will be times when you feel aligned and supported, and other times when it can feel as though you and your partner are moving through life on slightly different tracks. Feeling emotionally distant can be unsettling, but it does not always mean the relationship is in trouble. Often, it just shows that something in the relationship or in each partner’s life needs some attention. When you start to notice distance, talking about it early can really help. Begin with Open Conversation Distance often grows when couples stop sharing their feelings. If you stop talking, assumptions can replace real understanding. Talking honestly about the changes you have noticed is a good first step. It is normal for either partner to feel a little defensive when discussing sensitive topics. To keep the focus on your own feelings and avoid blame, try using 'I' statements, such as “I’ve been feeling less connected lately,” instead of “You seem distant.” The goal is to understand each other’s experiences, not to blame. Listening closely to your partner’s point of view, even if it is different from yours, helps build the trust and safety that relationships need. Acknowledge Each Other’s Emotional Experience A strong way to rebuild connection is by showing emotional validation. When people feel heard and understood, they are usually less defensive. If either partner feels their emotions are ignored or downplayed, the distance can grow. But responding with empathy and curiosity helps remind you both that you are still working together. Consider What May Be Contributing to the Distance Emotional distance usually does not happen on its own. It is often connected to stress or pressures in other parts of life. Things like work, parenting, money worries, health issues, or personal struggles can all affect our emotional presence in our relationships. Sometimes, there may also be unresolved issues or needs between partners. Taking time to think about what might be affecting your relationship can help you deal with the real causes, not just the surface problems. Make Time for Meaningful Connection Life can get busy, and many couples end up in routines where daily tasks take the place of real connection. To feel close again, it often helps to make time for each other. You do not need big plans. Just setting aside time to talk, take a walk, or share a meal without distractions can help you feel more connected. Express Appreciation More Often When relationships are tense, it is easy to forget to show appreciation. Still, small acts of gratitude and kindness can really help rebuild positive feelings. Letting your partner know you notice and value them can help bring warmth back into your relationship. Seek Support if the Distance Persists If you still feel distant after trying these steps, therapy can be very helpful. A therapist can help you see patterns in your relationship and support better communication. Getting support does not mean your relationship is failing. It can simply give you the help you need to get through a tough time. Maintain Your Own Wellbeing Healthy relationships depend on people taking care of themselves, too. When you feel tired, stressed, or drained, it is harder to be patient and present with your partner. Simple self-care, like taking a walk, writing in a journal, listening to music, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea, can help you feel better. Small choices to look after yourself can help both you and your relationship. Revisit Your Shared Direction Over time, couples may notice that their goals, priorities, or expectations have changed. Talking about what you both want for the future can be a good way to reconnect. Sometimes these talks remind you of your shared values. Other times, they show where you might need to make changes. A Final Thought It is normal for long-term relationships to go through times of distance. What matters most is how you respond when you notice it happening. If you approach the situation with openness, patience, and a real effort to understand each other, you can often find ways to reconnect and grow together.

By midlife, most people have built lives filled with responsibility and achievement. Careers have taken shape, families have grown, and there is a wealth of experience behind them. Still, despite all this, a familiar voice often lingers in the background: ‘You should be doing more.’‘That wasn’t good enough.’‘You’re falling behind.’ This voice is known as the inner critic, and for many, it tends to get louder during midlife. The Roots of Perfectionism For many high-achieving adults, perfectionism started early in life. Doing well in school, at work, or in social situations often brought approval, stability, or a sense of belonging. Over time, aiming for excellence became a way to feel safe. In earlier decades, this drive could fuel progress. It pushes people to study harder, work longer hours, and pursue ambitious goals. But by midlife, the same mindset that once led to success can start to feel exhausting. Why Midlife Intensifies the Pressure Midlife often brings a unique mix of expectations and comparisons. At work, there can be pressure to stay relevant as industries change or to keep up with younger coworkers. At home, people might feel responsible for supporting children, partners, and sometimes ageing parents all at the same time. At the same time, cultural messages about ageing, especially about appearance and productivity, can make people feel they should always be energetic, capable, and youthful. When all these pressures add up, the inner critic can become relentless. When High Standards Turn into Self-Criticism Perfectionism often disguises itself as motivation, but its impact can be quite different. Over time, it can lead to: Constant anxiety about making mistakes Chronic overworking and difficulty switching off Procrastination caused by fear of failure A sense that achievements never feel satisfying When “good enough” is never acceptable, even success can feel hollow. Why Midlife Can Be a Moment of Change The good news is that midlife also brings something valuable: perspective. Many people begin to notice that perfectionism no longer serves them as it once did. Instead of feeling motivated, the critic becomes restrictive, more like a voice that keeps them stuck rather than helping them grow. Common signs of this shift can include feeling burned out despite working hard, growing frustration when achievements don’t feel meaningful or noticing increased self-doubt even after meeting goals. Others might find themselves procrastinating on projects they once tackled enthusiastically or feeling resentful toward their own high standards. Recognising these feelings and situations can be the first clue that perfectionism has become more of a burden than an asset, and noticing this pattern is often the first step toward changing it. Practical Ways to Quiet the Inner Critic Notice the language of the critic. Begin by noticing the phrases that pop into your mind. Thoughts like “I should have done better” or “This has to be perfect” are signs that the critic is taking over. Redefine what success means now. Midlife often encourages a shift from focusing on performance to finding meaning. Instead of asking, “Was it flawless?”  try asking, “Was it worthwhile?” Experiment with ‘good enough’ Try finishing something without over-perfecting it. Many people find that the consequences they feared rarely happen, and letting go brings real relief. Respond with self-compassion Speaking to yourself with understanding rather than criticism can be surprisingly powerful. It is normal if this feels awkward or unnatural at first—many people are so used to the inner critic that self-compassion may seem unfamiliar. A simple way to start is to choose one kind phrase each day, such as “I did what I could today,” and repeat it to yourself, even if it feels strange at first. Over time, this small habit can begin to soften the critic’s influence. Reflection Think about one area of your life where perfectionism often appears, such as work, relationships, parenting, or how you look. Then ask yourself: What standard am I holding myself to here, and is it realistic? You could try replacing that belief with a more balanced one. For example: Instead of “I must never make mistakes,”  try “Mistakes are part of learning and growth.” Moving Forward Perfectionism often promises safety and success, but over time, it can drain your energy and take away enjoyment. Midlife is a chance to rethink the standards you have carried for years. To keep making progress and support lasting change, it can help to talk with a friend or trusted colleague about your goals or keep a journal about your journey. Regular reflection or sharing your intentions makes it easier to stay on track and notice small improvements over time. Letting go of impossible expectations does not mean lowering your values. It means focusing your effort on what truly matters, such as creativity, connection, contribution, and well-being.

March is positioned at a psychological crossroads. It is neither the ambitious beginning of January nor the reflective close of the year. Instead, it represents transition, a space where change becomes visible but not yet complete. And transitions, psychologically, are powerful. Psychology research shows us that seasonal shifts affect more than just the weather. The increased daylight exposure influences mood-regulating neurochemicals and energy levels, often improving alertness and motivation. As routines subtly adjust, our cognitive systems become more flexible. Change in the external environment encourages internal re-assessment and this is a helpful moment. Behavioural scientist, Katy Milkman describes the “fresh start effect,” where temporal landmarks such as a new month or season can create a sense of psychological distance from past habits. March can provides a natural opportunity to reset intentions without the intensity often attached to New Year’s resolutions. There is also psychological value in recognizing transition itself. Periods of in- between can feel uncomfortable because they lack clear identity. Yet research on change and adaptation suggests that growth frequently occurs in these liminal spaces, when we are adjusting, questioning, and refining. An invitation for this month is to consider a quieter approach: Clarify one priority that truly matters. Remove one habit or commitment that drains energy. Reconnect with one person or professional relationship. March does not demand reinvention. It offers recalibration. In the subtle shift from winter to spring, we are reminded that progress often begins with awareness and clarity which leads to momentum.

Love and attachment are not simply sentimental concepts, rather they are foundational psychological needs. Robert Sternberg, a psychologist who conceptualized love as comprising three elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. While commonly applied to romantic relationships, these components translate meaningfully into professional life. Intimacy reflects trust and openness in collegial relationships. Commitment shows up as loyalty to teams and shared goals/objectives. Passion can be reframed as engagement which can drives innovation and sustained motivation. For high-achieving individuals, February can also surface subtle social comparison pressures. It is not uncommon to curate portrayals of “perfect” relationships or idealized work–life balance. Positive psychology research suggests that chronic comparison can erode satisfaction and self-esteem even among objectively successful individuals. Awareness of this cognitive bias is the first step toward mitigating its impact. Importantly, connection extends beyond romance. Research by Barbara Fredrickson highlights the power of “micro-moments” of positive resonance e.g., brief interactions characterized by mutual warmth or understanding. In professional settings, these may include a thoughtful acknowledgment in a meeting, a moment of shared humour, or sincere mentorship. Such interactions strengthen social bonds and, over time, enhance both emotional well-being and workplace effectiveness. For high-achieving individuals, February can serve as a strategic pause. These points are worth considering: Investing intentionally in key relationships both in personal and professional life. Practicing deliberate gratitude toward colleagues or partners Reassessing whether achievement has side-lined your connections Psychological evidence consistently shows that meaningful relationships are among the strongest predictors of long-term fulfilment and physical health.

Some forms of burnout are easy to miss. They affect people who look as though they are doing well on the outside. They are capable, reliable, productive, and often the person everyone depends on. They keep going, meet deadlines, and carry a lot without always showing the cost. That is part of what makes high-performance burnout so difficult. It does not usually start with collapse. It often starts with strengths. Ambition, discipline, responsibility, and care for others can take someone far. But when those strengths become tied to self-worth, fear of failure, or the idea that rest has to be earned, they can slowly turn into something draining. At first, the pattern can feel rewarding. Someone takes on more, works harder, and pushes through. They may feel accomplished, needed, and even proud of how much they can handle. But over time, the pressure builds. Sleep becomes less restful. Switching off becomes harder. Small tasks feel heavier. Concentration slips. Instead of slowing down, they often respond by pushing even harder. This is where burnout becomes confusing. Many high performers believe that if they are struggling, they simply need to be more disciplined. They treat exhaustion as a problem to solve rather than a sign that something is overloaded. They may tell themselves they are being lazy, weak, or inefficient, when really they are running on empty. Often there is something deeper going on underneath. For some people, being productive has become closely linked with feeling safe, valued, or good enough. Stepping back then feels threatening, not just inconvenient. It can feel like letting people down, losing momentum, or no longer being the person who holds everything together. This is why “just rest” is not always enough. Burnout is not only about needing time off. It is often about changing the way someone relates to work, pressure, and themselves. If the same perfectionism, over-responsibility, and self-criticism remain in place, the cycle often starts again. Early signs can include constantly feeling on edge, struggling to switch off, feeling irritable, flat, foggy, or emotionally distant, and losing enjoyment in things that used to matter. Some people notice they are less patient with others. Some procrastinate more, not because they do not care, but because they are overwhelmed. The way forward is usually not about becoming less ambitious. It is about building a healthier relationship with ambition. That might mean noticing the unhelpful rules in the background, such as “I must always cope” or “my value comes from what I achieve.” It may mean learning to pace yourself, set limits, and speak to yourself with more honesty and less harshness. Burnout recovery is rarely neat. It often involves guilt, discomfort, and old habits creeping back in. But it can also be an opportunity to step out of a way of living that is no longer sustainable. A healthier form of high performance is possible. One that still includes drive and commitment, but also allows room for rest, boundaries, and being human. Burnout is not a sign that you are failing. More often, it is a sign that you have been carrying too much for too long without enough space to recover.

Anxiety is one of the most common experiences women report during perimenopause, writes Dr Shabnam Hariri, and it can show up well before the “classic” symptoms like hot flushes or night sweats. For many women, anxiety is the first sign that something is shifting. It can feel as though your mind has become noisier overnight, and you’re suddenly worrying about everything, even when life on the outside looks much the same. What’s tricky is that a lot of women don’t immediately connect anxiety with perimenopause. They tend to assume they’re “just stressed” or “not coping as well as they used to,” and it can feel confusing or even a bit frightening when this doesn’t match how you normally see yourself. And if you’ve always been someone who manages well, it can be especially unsettling to notice your nervous system feeling more reactive than usual. Women are generally more likely than men to experience anxiety, and hormonal change is one of the reasons the perimenopause can intensify that vulnerability. As hormones fluctuate, your stress system can become easier to trigger, and anxiety symptoms can become more frequent or more intense. Sometimes perimenopause also acts like a spotlight. It doesn’t create all the struggles out of nowhere, but it can bring to the surface pressures, unfinished emotional knots, or long-standing patterns of over-responsibility and over-thinking that you’ve been carrying for years. Anxiety can happen at any point in perimenopause, including the early stage when your periods haven’t changed much at all. It can start subtly, almost like a background hum: a bit more tension, a bit more irritability, a sense of being “on edge,” or finding that your thoughts loop more than they used to. Because it creeps in gradually, you might not immediately realise it’s linked to perimenopause. There’s also a very real layering effect. Perimenopause can bring disrupted sleep, changes in energy, and shifts in how your body feels day to day. When sleep quality drops, everything becomes harder: your tolerance narrows, your emotions sit closer to the surface, and your brain becomes more likely to interpret things as urgent or threatening. If you’re also dealing with gut symptoms, immune changes, or ongoing life stress, your system can start to feel overloaded, and anxiety can take hold more easily. If you’re experiencing this, you really aren’t alone. And it doesn’t mean you’re “failing,” “weak,” or “going backwards.” Anxiety can happen to anyone, including women who have never had any mental health difficulties before. Perimenopause is a major transition, and it often requires a new way of understanding yourself and caring for your mind and body. Some physical symptoms of perimenopausal anxiety can include a fast heart rate or palpitations, nausea or a churning stomach, shaking, sweating, a dry mouth, chest tightness or pain, headaches, faster breathing, panic attacks, sleep disruption, and feeling more irritable or snappy than usual. When these sensations arrive, it can be easy to misread them as a sign that something is seriously wrong, which can then feed the anxiety further. So what causes perimenopause-related anxiety? During perimenopause and menopause, many changes can be happening at the same time, so it isn’t always possible to point to one single cause. Anxiety can sometimes sit alongside low mood or depression, and both can be influenced by falling oestrogen levels. Oestrogen also interacts with cortisol, which is one of the body’s key stress hormones. When oestrogen drops, cortisol can rise, and that can make your stress response feel more activated. There are likely other hormonal and brain-chemical factors involved too, and it often becomes a “perfect storm” of biology, life stress, sleep disruption, and emotional load. The good news is that anxiety is treatable, and you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through this. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based therapy used by clinical psychologists to help you understand how anxiety works in your mind and body, and to develop steadier, healthier ways of responding to it. CBT helps you change unhelpful thinking patterns, reduce the behaviours that unintentionally keep anxiety going, and build practical strategies so you can feel more grounded and more like yourself again. CBT is also recommended by NICE for anxiety and depression, including in the context of perimenopause. Many women describe being caught in a vicious cycle during this stage: anxiety leads to poor sleep and fatigue, fatigue lowers resilience and mood, and then everything feels harder to cope with. CBT works with that cycle directly, helpin g you interrupt it gently but effectively. A clinical psychologist can use CBT to target the specific ways perimenopause is showing up for you, whether that’s anger and mood swings, insomnia, intrusive or overwhelming thoughts, low self-esteem, or a sense that you’re constantly “not quite on top of things.” It can also support you in changing coping strategies that may have crept in during this time, such as drinking more than you want to, comfort eating, binge eating, or withdrawing from people. Research also suggests that perimenopausal symptoms like hot flushes, night sweats, and anxiety can be triggered or worsened by life stressors. When you learn to manage stress differently, your nervous system often becomes less reactive, and symptoms can reduce in frequency or intensity. The aim isn’t to pretend this is easy, or to minimise what your body is doing, but to help you feel steadier, safer inside yourself while you move through it. Perimenopause is serious and it can be genuinely challenging. It can last several years, and for some women symptoms continue after periods stop entirely. That’s why it matters that you feel properly supported, not brushed off, not told you’re overreacting, and not left to figure it out alone. Therapy should feel like a place where you can exhale, make sense of what’s happening, and be met with calm, evidence-based guidance. Talk therapy with a clinical psychologist can offer a confidential and supportive space where you can process what’s going on, feel heard and understood, and make sense of the emotional and identity shifts that can come with perimenopause. It can help you learn practical strategies for handling stress, anxious thinking, and low mood, and also give you space to troubleshoot the real-life pressures that often collide at this stage, such as family dynamics, relationship strain, work stress, health worries, changing roles, and a shifting sense of who you are. And it can help you set new goals for this next chapter, with steady support to actually bring them into being.

Being a parent brings many new demands, writes Nicholas Messing, both emotionally and physically. You find yourself faced with the intense vulnerability of this little person and in the first few months in particular, a likely feeling of the overwhelming burden of keeping your baby alive. As months go by, sleeplessness may become routine and it can feel like a struggle to get through the day. Other responsibilities begin to creep back in, or never even left. You might feel quite alone in all that you have to do and in your struggle in your new role, yet it is so hard to ask for help, to reach out to your partner, friends or family. Asking for help means admitting both to yourself and to other people that you cannot do this alone. It means acknowledging hard thoughts and feelings, of at times maybe resenting your baby, feeling angry and frustrated, even helpless. Growing up, it might be that those who cared for you did not seem to be able or want to notice when you were upset and when you were in need. You learnt that you needed to find ways to manage these feelings by yourself, that these experiences you had, these types of thoughts and emotions were unwanted and pushed away by other people. You learnt to hide vulnerability and as an adult to develop ways to feel in control of your circumstances. This is all shaken apart by the arrival of your baby, as they are a separate person and you know you cannot control them, determine how they will be and respond. Even more so is your knowledge that your baby needs your help with all that they feel, the very experience that was possibly absent for you, you are now needing to try to offer to another person. Perhaps in childhood it felt as if demands were made upon you, to achieve, to strive, that conditions were placed upon feeling loved, accepted, or wanted by your parents. These communications may not have always been obvious, but were inherent in the quality of your interactions in your childhood home. It could be communicated through a look, a turning away, an absence of affection, a disappointed tone, a parent who was rarely at home. All of this telling you, you had let your parent down, you had not done well enough. It is important to state that your parents did not intentionally set out so that you felt this way, they likely, like the vast majority of parents, strove to do the best they could. These types of communication are borne from your parents own understanding of themselves and relationships, come to be repeated with you. These feelings are, as maybe for you, large to the point of overwhelming, so they had a major impact on how they saw the world, themselves and of course you. To show vulnerability, to admit that you need help and cannot do it all the time, might mean for you that you have failed. A common thought may be to think that someone else always has it tougher, that you are therefore unworthy of the support and care of others.  If we grow up with this perception then we might have found that we have formed relationships with others that confirm this belief. So perhaps you have tried to ask for support, but other people seem to minimise or even dismiss what you tell them. This may be a common experience for you in relationships. Therapy allows for the exploration of what takes place both within you and between you and your partner and your baby. It offers the opportunity for those parts of yourself that have been so hard to look at, that you have maybe felt ashamed of, unwanted by others and you, to become gradually accepted, to be acknowledged as part of who you are.  It makes caring for your little one more manageable, that you find you are less fearful of the expressions of their feelings, that you are more able to help them and being with them becomes more rewarding.

In recent times I find people often treat low-energy seasons, both literally and metaphorically as obstacles to get through. In the press there is a strong narrative to “fight” the winter blues, to “overcome” burnout, and “push through” tiredness. What if we have got this approach entirely wrong? Katherine May, the British writer of a gem of a book: Wintering, frames these periods not as failures, but as necessary, restorative phases of the human cycle. Psychology offers us a language to understand why. The Critical Role of Rest Psychologist Anders Ericsson’s research on expertise revealed a non-negotiable truth: Elite performers achieve mastery not through endless grind, but through deliberate practice punctuated by deliberate rest. The brain consolidates learning and repairs itself during downtime. Wintering is the ultimate deliberate rest, a full-system consolidation. Yet, we resist. And social psychology tells us why: In cultures that glorify “the hustle,” rest feels like deviance or a guilty pleasure. We fear falling behind, violating the unwritten rules of productivity. This creates cognitive dissonance, the discomfort of holding two conflicting beliefs (“I need rest” vs “rest is lazy”). Too often, we resolve it by abandoning rest, not the unrealistic belief. Acceptance, Not Forced Positivity The field of Clinical Psychology, particularly through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), gives us a better tool. ACT teaches that struggling against difficult emotions amplifies suffering. The classic “What we resist, persists.” Wintering invites us to practice psychological acceptance: To acknowledge the sadness, the quiet of depletion, or the stillness of uncertainty without immediate judgment or a frantic plan to fix it. This is not passive resignation. It is the active choice to stop fighting the weather of your own mind. How to Winter, Psychologically: 1. Reframe the narrative: Use cognitive restructuring (a CBT technique) to challenge thoughts like “This is wasted time.” Replace them with: “This is a necessary phase of my cycle.” 2. Practice self-compassion: Drawn from the work of Kristin Neff. Speak to yourself about your fatigue or low mood with the kindness you would offer a friend. This reduces the shame that amplifies winter’s chill. 3. Embrace ritual: Behavioural psychology shows us that small, consistent actions anchor us. A morning tea, a daily walk in the weak sun, lighting a candle. These are behavioural activation not to force cheer, but to provide gentle, rhythmic structure. 4. Lower the Bar: Temporarily reduce cognitive load. This again is not failure; it is energy management. Conserve your finite willpower and executive function, as studied by researchers like Roy Baumeister. Wintering is not a pathology to cure with light boxes and forced gratitude although both have their place. It’s a psychological season. A time to retreat, reflect, restore and repair. The promise of spring is not some sort of reward for surviving winter, but that it is the natural, eventual outcome of having allowed the winter to do its essential, quiet work.

By Dr Caroline Taylor This blog follows on from my goal-setting and completion in therapy blog. It is somewhat inspired by the late, great Dr Michael Mosley. In my last blog I suggested that one goal is enough. Certainly, one goal at a time is enough. It allows us to have a focus and really understand the impact that the goal has on your life once achieved. I invite you to ponder on how your life would change if you focused on changing just one thing. For instance, what would happen to your life if your mind was clear of worry? How would you feel if you noticed when you have done something well, rather than dismissing or minimising your success? What would it be like to focus on getting a great night’s sleep? How would your day be if you woke refreshed and energised? How would your day be if you ensured that you experience a sense of achievement and a sense of enjoyment each day? How would you feel if you were kind to yourself, rather than being your own worst critic? When we focus on just one thing, we can devise elegant formulations and a shared treatment plan that will lead to your success. We can also get extra benefits from focusing on just one goal, as behaviour tends to generalise. By which I mean habits spread in the direction we are already behaviourally engaged. I think we can all probably identify with a slip from the behaviour we had planned, and how that can then spread. Perhaps we don’t go to the gym or exercise class after work, as planned, and then we pick up a bottle of wine and order a pizza, then rummage for the ice cream in the freezer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those behaviours, unless you berate yourself for not following your plan, and it starts to spread over time, and you are not behaving in the way you want to. The good news is that healthy behaviours generalise too. We could make a goal and then find ourselves engaging in additional healthy behaviours spontaneously. You can change your life with just one thing, just one goal.

Re-Creating Home After Change When life changes, writes Dr Julie Hannan, Counselling Psychologist, many of us feel an almost instinctive pull to tidy, paint, rearrange, or add something new to our homes. We call it nesting when someone prepares for a baby, but the same impulse often appears at other major turning points — when children leave home, after a breakup, or during recovery from illness or loss. It may look like simple redecorating, but beneath it lies something deeply psychological: an attempt to make the external world match an inner shift.   Home as a mirror of the self Psychologists have long recognised that our surroundings act as an extension of identity. The objects, colours, and routines that make up 'home' help to stabilise our sense of self. When life feels chaotic, reorganising that environment becomes a way of regaining coherence. Creating order where there was mess, or introducing warmth where life feels cold, allows the nervous system to settle. It's a small, tangible declaration: I can shape something.   In therapy, we often see that, after periods of upheaval, people reach a point where energy that was once bound in anxiety starts to turn outward again. Rearranging a room, clearing a cupboard, or buying new sheets can mark the beginning of psychological recovery — a quiet signal that the psyche is ready to move from survival into renewal.   Nesting as meaning making Nesting isn't only about control, it's about meaning. Making a space yours again helps to integrate a new chapter of life. For parents adjusting to an empty house, it may express the shift from caretaking others to reconnecting with themselves. For someone recovering from loss, it can represent the courage to reclaim life. Even seasonal nesting — changing décor as the light fades — acknowledges our ongoing relationship with time, reminding us that adaptation is a natural process. This process is symbolic. As the environment transforms, so does the story we tell ourselves about who we are becoming.   Why it soothes From a psychological standpoint, nesting supports two important needs: Grounding through sensory regulation. Physical movement, colour, texture, and scent all stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping to calm the body. Agency through micro-control. When larger life events feel beyond our influence, small, successful acts of organisation provide reassurance and rebuild confidence. In short, nesting bridges body and mind. It allows action to lead emotion.   Healthy versus pressured nesting Of course, not all nesting is restorative. For some, it can tip into perfectionism or avoidance — an attempt to tidy feelings rather than experience them. The difference lies in intention: are you making space to breathe, or trying to erase discomfort? Healthy nesting feels rhythmic and satisfying. It's gentle, sensory, and leaves you calmer. Pressure-driven nesting feels frantic and rarely offers relief. The invitation is to slow down and let the process be symbolic rather than cosmetic.   Practical reflections Start small: choose one drawer, one corner, or one ritual that represents care. Engage your senses: light a candle, open a window, play music — bring embodiment into your space. Let go intentionally: releasing an object can mirror the release of an outdated role or expectation. These actions can feel existentially freeing. Notice what new energy wants to emerge: what colours, textures, or routines feel like you, now? Experiment with this and observe whether the energy increases, remains the same, or decreases.   The deeper message Ultimately, nesting is a way of saying to yourself, I still matter in this space. It's how we reclaim a sense of belonging after transition. In a world that moves quickly, taking time to make a corner of it peaceful is not indulgent; it's reparative. Home becomes less about walls and furniture, and more about the act of coming back to yourself. When life changes, the nest changes — and in rebuilding it, we rebuild our sense of meaning.   References & Suggested Reading   Kaplan, R. (1995). The restorative benefits of nature: Toward an integrative framework. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 15(3), 169–182.   Csikszentmihalyi, M., &; Rochberg-Halton, E. (1981). The Meaning of Things: Domestic Symbols and the Self. Cambridge University Press.   Proshansky, H. M., Fabian, A. K., &; Kaminoff, R. (1983). Place-identity: Physical world socialisation of the self. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 3(1), 57–83.   Pohl, R. (2018). Home as a psychological anchor in times of transition. Counselling Psychology Review, 33(2), 12–18.

Anxiety is one of the most common symptom that women can experience during  perimenopause and can often appear before women experience common perimenopausal symptoms e.g. hot-flushes or night sweat.  Overall, women are twice as likely than men to have anxiety difficulties, but the changes in hormones during the perimenopause and menopause, can trigger and  worsen symptoms of anxiety . Menopause and perimenopause can act like a torch shining light on issues that had already existed and were not dealt with.  Anxiety can occur at any stage of the perimenopause. It can appear in very early during the perimenopause before your periods have changed. It can start subtly and you may not realise that it’s related to the perimenopause.  The increase stress during perimenopause and menopause can further contribute to anxiety during menopause.  As sleep quality declines along with other bodily challenges in the gut or immune system stress increases. If you are experiencing anxiety you certainly aren’t alone. Anxiety can happen to anyone including those who’ve never experienced mental health difficulties. Perimenopause is challenging time with lots of changes that requires a new set of  approach.  Physical symptoms of perimenopausal anxiety: • Fast heart rate • Heart palpitations • The feeling of nausea • Shaking • Sweating • Dry mouth • Chest pain • Headaches • Fast breathing • Panic attacks • Sleep disturbances  • Irritability  What causes perimenopause-related anxiety? During the perimenopause and menopause, a many changes happening at the same time, so it can be difficult to attribute the exact cause of your anxiety. Anxiety can be related to underline depression. Like depression, anxiety can occur because falling oestrogen levels.  The oestrogen levels are also linked to cortisol levels (the hormone of stress ) so that when oestrogen levels drop, cortisol levels rise. It is likely that other hormones and chemical factors are also involved.  How can anxiety be treated? CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is an evidence-based approach to therapy which is used by clinical psychologists to treat a new healthy ways of thinking and to develop strategies to better manage perimenopausal anxiety symptoms. CBT Recommended by NICE for the treatment of anxiety and depression in perimenopausal women. Women going through perimenopause often report feeling stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed. And many women will know just how easy it is to get caught up in a vicious cycle of anxiety, fatigue, low mood, and a feeling that you just can’t cope. Clinical psychologist can use CBT to address specific issues such as anger and mood swings, insomnia, intrusive or overwhelming thoughts, or low self-esteem; and develop strategies to resolve issues such as problem drinking and binge eating which are common when going through perimenopause. Studies show that perimenopausal symptoms such as night sweats, hot flushes and anxiety are commonly triggered in response to life stressors but by using CBT you can learn to develop healthy ways of managing stress which in turn, may reduce the incidences and severity of these symptoms. Clinical psychologist recognises that perimenopause is serious and challenging. Perimenopause can last anywhere from four to 10 years, when including perimenopause and the years of continuing symptoms after periods stop entirely. Perimenopause counselling and CBT with a clinical psychologist who is highly rated experts in their field and truly care about their clients.  The benefits of talk therapy with a clinical psychologist for menopause  Perimenopause counselling provides a confidential and safe space to process your thoughts and feelings feel heard and understood at last around your perimenopause concerns  learn evidence-based techniques for handling stress, negative thinking, and low moods troubleshoot family relationship problems, work issues, or health concerns discuss your changing life roles and identity set new life goals and have support to bring them to fruition.